I miss Ed. I know that's all I carry on about anymore, but I miss him so badly that I feel real physical pain. It makes me sick to my stomach and I want to cry, but I can't do it, and I want to vomit, but it doesn't happen.

I want him to come home. I want him to get released from prison. I want there to be some kind of loophole that will release him early. Something that will shave even just a few years off of his sentence. I would do anything.

I told Ed that I would be there for him always. He's stuck with me, I'm there through thick and thin, in it for the long haul, but sometimes I feel like I will never make it, and there will never be an end to this.

Only 18 more summers without him, I think to myself. Somehow it seems shorter this way.

I miss him. I miss him completely. When he tells me that he's going to give me a smack, I want him to BE THERE to give me that smack. When he tells me that I'm going to get a kick in the pants if I don't take care of my health, I want him to be there, making sure I take care of my health, and giving me a kick if I don't. I WANT HIM HERE. I need him. I feel like a piece of me is missing and it is a terrible sensation.

I will be 40-years-old when he gets home. Grace will be 19. Ed will miss his niece's childhood. Our youths together will be gone. He was taken as a mere CHILD and when he is released back to us, he will be a middle-aged man. I feel like my heart is falling out.